Reality vs. Fantasy Before Age 6 - My Experience

I knew about the Montessori principle of focusing on reality before my son was born. So I was good to go from the start. And I fully supported it because it made sense - it fit with my own experiences working with children that I had not been able to clarify before.

A not so scientific survey - well, it's scientific, just anecdotal/observational science:

Children founded in reality in the first plane of development (conception to age 6) have stronger imaginations, greater creativity and are generally still in awe of the world around them into the elementary years, as compared to children who were surrounded by other people's imaginings in those formative years.

For example, I can tell what sort of 0-6 upbringing a 6-8 year old child has had in response to the first Great Lesson: God with No Hands. Children founded in reality, recognize immediately that there is some amount of fantasy here (the inanimate world does not actually whisper "I hear my Lord, and I obey" nor do angels actually carry heat up and bring cool down). The children immediately recognize words such as "like" and "as if", referring to analogies. The children understand these analogies and pick up on them, even if they have not had an explicit lesson on "analogy." These children can immediately get into the exploration of the actual facts and have JOY in the imaginative pieces - 'those particles, "like" people, like some but have a strong dislike for others', the children find such amusement in this line!

On the other hand, the children who have had experience with a lot of other people's imaginations (things that are not real, adults telling stories that couldn't possibly be true for the fun of it, cartoons, etc.), even when they tell you they "know" the difference between fantasy and reality - will ask at the end (or interrupt in the middle!) of the First Great Lesson, "Is that real?" Or they will say, "Well, that's not really what happened."

Yes, you are correct my child, but did you actually listen?

The story itself doesn't say that it is really what happened - the analogies make this clear. But these children have been set up to argue something that wasn't an argument. They have to repeat to themselves the concepts in the story itself to say that the story is an imaginative event, with a good deal of real facts. So 1) they consciously miss the clues that are obvious to the other children yet 2) they are re-stating those very clues in their own words ("this isn't how it exactly happened").

It becomes almost a difference between true pure joy and a building cynicism.

Wow. And I just wanted to tell a story to open up the geography album.

It happens in other areas too.

The children with the mixed experiences before age 6 seem to spend several of their elementary years sorting out the difference between reality and fiction. I wonder, if a longitudinal study were done, if this carries over into their adolescent and adult years - leading to people questioning objective Truth in this world. Even those without cynicism waste those elementary years still sorting out real versus fiction.

The children with the solid foundation in reality spend their elementary years enjoying the awe and wonder of the world around them, asking many "what if" questions that explore the very real natural laws around us; then testing them out and seeing what more they learn. This is true imagination - to test the limits of reality.

The children with mixed experiences generally consider fairy tales to be girly stories (if they are boys) and baby stories (if they are boys or girls). They might participate because they know there is something there, but there is a rough exterior that says, "I'm actually too cool for this but I'll go along with it since everyone else is." Or they tend to tease the other children who actually still like fairy tales.

The children with the reality experiences DELVE into fairy tales (which are actually moral tales), reading the original versions and various re-writes. They explore the moral dimensions, they re-write endings, or write alternative viewpoints. They explore the cultural dimensions and what it meant to have Cinderella's eyes pecked out by ravens. They are fascinated with Rudyard Kipling's "Just So Stories" and can actually sit through a reading of the original Jungle Books.


Now does this happen with EVERY child? Probably not. But think about this: even the children who SAY they understand the difference, and verbally state they know and then proceed to prove it... doesn't mean they really get it. And sometimes, the fact that they have to verbalize it, means that they have not entirely internalized it. Sometimes the whole talking through something is a sign that the child is still working through it.

And it has been consistent with all the children I have personally observed in this area.

Fiction versus Fantasy - Thoughts

It can be so hard for a family coming into Montessori yet wanting to provide the stories they had as a child: Beatrix Potter, fairy tales, and more.... Then we discover that Montessori is heavy-handed about "only reality" for the first plane of development, ages 0-6.

Here are some thoughts and experiences from a recent post I made on a Montessori group. Just random thoughts concerning our experience. I am happy to share more details and answer specific details :)

I personally and Montessori-wise hesitate to suggest any titles of the particular sort you request, because my own experience as well as the Montessori "way" is to build a very strong foundation on reality at this age. 

This (strong!) foundation in reality provides fodder for the greatest of imaginations in the elementary years. They can understand timelines, grasp the concept of ancient times and future years, with an intensity those of us who lived in a fantasy world in our primary years can never fully grasp. When a child know what is reality, what is possible; and in elementary years begins to see that all is not well with the world, by adolescent years, the child can fathom great but realistic plans for DOING something about it. There is a JOY in delving into moral tales and imaginative tales in the elementary years, and a TRUE HOPE that carries them through the adolescent  years, sometimes already truly DOING BIG THINGS. 

(sorry all caps - it is for very heavy emphasis ;) ). 

If we give too much fantasy before age 6, that JOY, that HOPE... is gone before it starts. Yes, it can be inflamed to a point (and should be whenever and wherever possible! it's not ALL lost), but the intensity is gone. The depth.

Look at our world of teenagers living in fantasy worlds that are self-destructive, because they didn't get a strong foundation in reality in their primary years. Do we want that for our own children? Really? 

I have personally found that when children are only exposed to reality during this precious first plane of development, they are ready to delve into stories with talking animals, bears on bikes, etc. around age 5 (even earlier than the official "end" of the first plane of development); however, when you wait to expose the world of pure fantasy to them until at least 5 1/2, you will find an intense love, an intense JOY, they will not be calling Beatrix Potter stories "baby books" - instead, they will be delving into them wholeheartedly and with true JOY.

The child can then delve into fairy tales (which are actually "moral tales" - intended to teach right from wrong in a strong-image-based way - not just to "entertain") on the level the stories were intended.

For example, my son right now LOVES to explore fairy tales - he is a healthy, normal 8 year old boy - yet all those fairy tales that his friends call "girl stories" or "baby stories", he an tell them about the knights, the fighting, the red-hot-iron shoes and the birds pecking out evil stepmothers eyes - and he can explore the question of "what if" these characters came to life today; what if someone we know is living the Cinderella life (before she became princess) - there are no fairy godmothers, but what can WE do to help? 

All of this because he had a STRONG foundation of reality. He can truly just ENJOY the tale without wondering about the possibility of magic ruining his life or unnaturally helping it thus that he owes a debt to it (Rumpelstiltskin). He also learns moral lessons on debts, on black magic (which is real), on attitudes towards others, on maintaining hope, on making the choice to help others in need, etc. etc. etc. THESE are the lessons of fairy tales and his male friends who have lost that, are starting to get a taste of the depth of these stories from my son telling them about it in a way they never thought possible.

And he can ENJOY all those books about animals doing human things, although he wishes some of them were written with the vocabulary of an elementary child. 

We CAN give fiction in the first plane - but realistic fiction. Something that could actually happen. While a child who has had lots of fantasy fiction can verbally tell you it's real or not real, in fact, they are still confused in their minds; little girls starting watching for their fairy godmothers or for a prince to "save them", they worry about curses being placed them; little boys also worry about these curses as well developing unnecessary fears of things in the dark, when we want to build them strong to face those fears.

Now - will little boys fight dragons even if they've never heard of them? YOU BET! There is something in the human memory about some sort of creature of this type. And THAT is fine! But magic swords are not yet appropriate for the first plane child (0-6). Wait until age 5 1/2 at least and watch how deep it goes! It IS amazing!



And do I WANT my son to fight dragons??? YES! I want him to recognize those dragons for what they are in the "real" world and fight them whole-heartedly, with confidence, a humble fear that keeps him prudent in choices, and LOVE.