Working-Mom Montessori: Shifting the Clock: This is Painful!

I never quite this post finished - because the title of this post is SO true!

I am naturally a night-owl - I do my best work in the evening hours after most people should be in bed and the world is quiet. I like to use my daytimes for being active and social.

I can sleep 4-7 hours a night (going to bed at midnight or 3 am), with a half-hour cat nap in mid-afternoon and life is wonderful. Get me up before the sun though - and life ain't so pretty.


I spent the first week SO incredibly fatigued all - day - long. I didn't know how I would get through the whole month. Turns out, a touch of almond oil infused with peppermint oil on each temple and real peppermint oil chapstick (coconut oil with aloe vera and peppermint oil) were all I needed to get rid of the fatigue-headache and help me re-set the sleep/wake rhythm for the time being. NIC!


The children and staff I have worked with this past month have been wonderful - I have offered my services to continue being the main sub for this particular classroom the rest of the year as needed. But hitting the brick wall of fatigue at 7:30 at night is SO not cool.

The nice thing is - I am so incredibly tired, I'm in bed by 9 every night, and am awake shortly before the 6 am alarm to be on the road by 6:30. I have all prepped the night before so mornings are VERY streamlined, involving VERY little (any?) thinking process at all.

This all means, I am sleeping far more than I usually do - and despite all of that, I ended up sick ALL MONTH.

I am fighting against my own natural rhythm and I am surrounded by germs I'm not yet accustomed to. I have had a drink with me that varies by the week: peppermint tea, warm lemonade, or plain water (each option with honey, echinacea, and maple syrup). I spent one week eating almost nothing but garlic to get rid of a painful sinus infection. While all my remedies/precautions helped, they didn't stop everything from hitting me - but they certainly helped me stay on task with the needed energy and focus. I have enjoyed each of the 4 snow days received during the month (ending up in bed, sleeping off illness each time!).

CAVEAT: When I say "past month", I mean to say "January". It turns out I added an additional (almost) full week (one more ice/snow day off - spent at home catching up on all sorts of little things - like washing 4 1/2 weeks worth of laundry. By hand.) of subbing.


In the end, I love every moment of teaching; and I will love every moment of being home again on my own schedule.

Working-Mom Montessori: Domestic Sanctuary

No matter the circumstance, all of us want to have our home be a sanctuary - a safe place from the worries of the world - not an additional source of worries in itself.

But when our time at home is limited by full-time out-of-home employment and even 1 or 2 evening activities, it doesn't matter if the children are homeschooled or not (or even if there are children or not!), a home is easily made messy and there is insufficient time to maintain it.

Stay-at-home and work-at-home moms do NOT sit around doing nothing all day and still end up with a clean, organized home! The ones whose homes aren't pristine, are not necessarily doing nothing either - a home takes time to maintain.



So what we can do to minimize that maintenance load so as to maximize family time and to minimize additional stress?
That utilizes Montessori principles of order, respect for all persons in the environment,


De-Clutter:
I am a huge advocate for "use it or move it". Not that I practice it (anywhere near!) perfectly - but in the areas I have used it, the peace that flows is something wonderful!

Before going to full-time employment - or the first full off-day you have - or before starting homeschooling full-time (especially if you are pulling children out of school) - or before preparing to move - or any plethora of pretty major life changes:
I always recommend you take some time to do what I call "mindless purging".

This does not mean to waste anything or to throw something away you KNOW you will use in the next 5 years (some people say 1 year - but when I have items that I know will be used by an older boy than I have and it's not easily replaceable? yeah, we're keeping it ---- or when my son was a toddler, I had Christmas decorations I wouldn't use at that time (home size, family daycare regulations, single parent to monitor usage) but I would when he got older - yeah, we kept those too).

So be discerning, but don't get hung up on the emotions. 

• Make a "gift" pile (items to set aside to use as gifts for birthdays and holidays - label them with the recipient if one comes to mind quickly - or just place it in that box/bag)
• - and a variety of "donate" piles - local thrift shop is the obvious - but does your local church use a Montessori-based or materials-based religious ed program? or do you have other materials that could be donated to the church religious ed program or the office? to a local pregnancy crisis center? other collections that could take used items? 
• if it's NEW and you've not used it since its purchase and you don't have specific, realistic plans for it - consider donating it to the places that can only take new items
• or return it if you can. 
• Recycle what you can. 
• Throw away only as a last resort - irreparable items, inappropriate items, and the like. 

Get the children involved in this process - if you're about to start homeschooling, this could be the transition from school to homeschool: getting the home in order, learning about community resources and what each one serves, interacting with people in the community - all those things that non-homeschoolers don't realize are real socialization ;) 

Your goal is a home free of "things" that drag you down, that eat up space, that contribute to stress levels, require maintenance (even such as dusting - a home is so much easier to breathe in with fewer items in it that aren't routinely moved and used, meaning less dust) and that otherwise make your home not a sanctuary. 

Now, some people like lots of stuff, or think they do. That's great! Just make sure it's stuff that you like and want and will enjoy - not just stuff for the sake of stuff. 

Projects:

Another area to get the children involved in. This is typically best for a different day than the de-cluttering day. And you may not get everything "done" before a deadline you have (starting full-time work, moving day). 

Have to start officially schooling by a certain day? That is negotiable - here's why: 

• Almost all projects I can think of around my home, count as ART. And many include Practical Life skills ("home ec" if you need a credit - track the hours)
• Got stacks of photos to get into a binder or photo album? The children can help with that - it counts as art - throw in some family stories for social studies - these will not be full credits if you have children at the age of needing credits (track the hours though in case they decide to go off on a related study that would add up to full credit), but elementary and middle schoolers? this stuff is perfect! Preschoolers can help trim pretty paper, be the runners for supplies, help prepare basic snacks. Get all the children involved (except the infant who only wants to eat truly internalize the current project) - this child can be set at a table with some claywork or crayons and paper. 
• Sewing to do? Again - have the children help. At least to observe what you do so they can learn too. If they need/crave to do something with their hands, give them some scrap fabric, needle and thread and let them practice stitching together the edges or creating Xs or creating lines. Draw a simple design on a piece of fabric and let them do a back-stitch or straight-stitch over it, while you are doing the main work. This keeps the children involved even if they can't help with the actual project - and hopefully they CAN help with the actual projects. 
• House repairs? Teach the children. It might take a bit longer, but then they learn. Have them help with all possible and observe the rest. Talk about what you are doing. Learn WITH them if needed. 
• If you have a true deadline - PRIORITIZE. What needs to be done for the sake of the deadline that would cause a financial burden? A relationship burden? An emotional burden? In that order. (normally I put relationships first, but if we're talking about moving out and needing to make repairs to avoid high fees, or you could be evicted if the particular project isn't done by a particular time - well, that contributes to the relationship factor ;) )

PRIORITIZE:

I know this is listed above as part of the projects - but let's look at the bigger picture. You simply aren't Superman or Supermom - so how are you going to decide what really needs to be done first? 

The words are simple anyway: 

Go through your day. What do you need to have in place (or gone) to run your day smoothly. 

Make it happen. 

That "simple" - and that tedious. At the same time.

Need a bullet-point list? 

• Morning routine: what is it? Mad dash to the bathroom to comb hair, get dressed and use toilet in that order (yes, this is my son's routine - even when he really has to use the toilet). Can you simplify any of it? What do you WANT to happen. Now make it happen: have clothes out the night before and in the most convenient place; breakfast items out and prepped the night before when doing dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. Assure all items have their easy access home. Whatever it takes. 
• Meal preparation: are the dishes and utensils you always use always hidden in the back of the cupboard? Keep THOSE items out - the ones you use every. single. day. Don't put them away - have a nice place on the counter for them. Have items you never-never-never use? Gift them; donate them; sell them (don't trash them, that's wasteful and poor stewardship). Items you rarely use? Those ones put away. 
• Coming home: I am the type of person who wants to come in with my load of groceries or whatever it is, but then I need a minute to re-connect with being home (some aspect of asperger's I have heard) - so I'll go to the bathroom or change my clothes BEFORE putting groceries away. So I'll have a change of clothes ready and I won't place the grocery bags (or anything I am bringing in) in my path to that end of our home. But then I want everything put away, cleaned up, bags stored, and I want to SIT with a loved one and a treat - to reconnect with the relationship AND the home. This is the sanctuary part. 
• So I'll think through - I want the entry way clear when I get home, so I'm the one cleaning it up on my way out - to protect that sanctuary time later. This is SO much more easily done when there are simply fewer ITEMS to sort, store, clean. We have a closet for our coats, so our rack has one (maybe 2, depending on the season) jackets per person. Legoboy's tae-kwon-do bag is always on the hooks so we're not spending time looking for it (he changes his clothes when he gets home and returns the bag to the hooks - a process we thought through to bring us some peace and consistency). I also want our dining table clear enough to place a purse on when I get home; and so we can eat without cleaning it up while we're hungry. (the dining room table is also my "office" - it gets filled up fast). 
• These little things add up - in time, patience, in peace. 
• Bedtime routine: what do you want to do with this? Snuggle time with the children, then work time for you before sleep? All go to sleep at the same time? Think through how/what you want to do here and think ahead to the morning - while you are putting on jammies, you can be setting out clothes for the next day; while brushing teeth, wipe down the sink and counter. 
• Cleaning: If you'll be working full-time out-of-the-home - or even full-time in the home - you may not have blocks of cleaning time (or you'll have to pull time away from relationships). So don't think in blocks. Think in nibbles: as said above, brush teeth and wipe down the sink/counter; once a day or every other day (depending on the number/gender of local inhabitants), when you use the toilet, spray it down with white vinegar; take a shower, spray it down with vinegar on your way out; the time you're not spraying down the toilet, wipe up spots on the bathroom floor; washing dishes - wipe down all counters, surfaces, handles, light switches with the same water (before it gets dirty); have two or more levels to your house - take stuff with you when you go up/down; MAIN THING: JUST PUT IT AWAY - don't say "I'll set this here and put it away where it belongs not 10 inches from where I placed it" - and then never do it - JUST DO IT. TRUST ME. 
• Mail In/Mail Out: Deal with it as it comes; OR have one time a week that you take care of it. Whatever your routine, have one - and stick with it. Don't let it pile up. Most of it can go to recycling anyway (more and more areas have a place where you can drop off your paper recycling and they earn money for it - if you're willing to make that trip vs going to the recycling center for everything or if you can put office paper in your curbside recycling). File what is needed. Whatever it is - when you do sit down to go through the mail, finish out the process for every item. Don't set it aside for later. NOT worth it! 
• What else do you do in your day? What routine will make it go more smoothly? What physical objects are in the way? or could be in a more accessible location? Adjust whatever is needed to make it go more smoothly. 
• Want a weekly movie night with the family? Have the movies in one place; have the items for popcorn making in one place in the kitchen. 

And if it doesn't fit with your life? Go back to the first category above ;) 

Humble pie - this is the master bedroom.
The result of starting with chaos years back
S-l-o-w-l-y getting through it.
In my additional defense:
we don't heat this room in the winter;
and I really have no defense.
There is stuff here I just don't have TIME to put to proper use.
Son's portfolio and scrapbook; stuffed animal repair;
sewing projects to finish and post on Etsy;
my own "scrapbook" type stuff;
routine materials used for Garden of Francis.
Not that many categories, but it sure adds up.
The children who visit, use the books - a LOT.
Everything else just needs to be DONE.
At least my whole home doesn't look like this ;)
because I already applied the above principles to the rest of our home. 

However, I did wake up to this sight in my living room this morning.
Apparently I did some re-arranging in the middle of the night,
cleaned out the file cabinet drawers,
and left these out to freshen up their organization.
Ok. Off to it! 

UPDATE: After writing this post, I did get through the files above. I was able to recycle two plastic grocery bags full of paper; sell a set of continent folder files; add to my plastic baggies collection; and ultimately consolidate all those folders (two drawers' worth) into ONE. I then sat down and did my taxes. Before the government even had their paperwork fully ready.

Of course, we're snowed/iced/windchilled in, so that helps ;)

Working-Mom Montessori: What are we going to EAT?

Use the tags at the bottom of this post to find the other posts in this "series". See the original post about what is happening in our home here: Temporary Change of Routine

Life while working takes a decent amount of planning anyway - if want to maintain the goals of eating properly, having a clean home, plenty of family time and that family values are being shared and enhanced.

Now throw in homeschooling.
And tae-kwon-do.
And atrium.
And maintaining 2 website businesses.
And most importantly, time with loved ones.
(or whatever blend your family has in the mixer!)

But before all of that, every member of the family needs to eat properly and have clean clothing.


When I work from home, we can kind of let things slide - there is a lot of flexibility when I know I can start dinner preparations at any time - or have Legoboy pull something from the freezer. Being out of the home - requires planning - unless we want to run to fast-food all the time (that would be a NO).


Regardless, even when home "full-time", we still use OAMM: Once a Month Meals. We use it every 3-4 months. It helps us to have things on hand - and a neat new feature on their website is the ability to mix and match recipes from their variety of menus; truly fine-tuning it to meet our family's needs.

No more breakfast in bed....
at least for a while. 

But we don't typically plan a MENU from those meals. If we know we have guests coming over, I'll prep appropriately. When we have items that are perfect for packed meals out of the home, that is where they are used. Otherwise, we go with whatever works. Over the course of any given month we get plenty of fresh fruits and veggies along with our cooked foods. The benefits of being home all day and stocking healthy food!


Now that I will be out of our home 5 full days a week, we'll need to actually plan. I'll have 4 days a week of packing my own lunch; he'll typically eat with whoever has him, but I'll want to send something for him to share with others. Breakfast needs to be quick (and we can't do cold cereal first in the morning - at least I physically can't). The evenings we have tae-kwon-do or a later atrium, we'll want items we can warm up quickly or pack to take with us or I can put in the crockpot after school and have it ready to eat when we are home from TKD; evenings we will be home can be something that takes a bit longer to prep (oven-prepped items for example). Weekends, we'll cook up something that we won't mind eating throughout the week through re-heating it (or eating it cold).

But I need to take a look at our schedule and coordinate the recipes appropriately.


Since my subbing position is a one-month thing, I think I will plan for most of the month, day-by-day - kind of OCD-fashion and NOT my preference. If this were going to be an ongoing thing, I am not sure if I would want to plan for the entire month - maybe just 2 weeks - it more depends on the reality of the situation when in the middle of it.


The goal here is to eat properly - healthy, enough, not too much - but not spend just TOO long in the kitchen because there is also family time, education, and downtime to consider. And still get in the daily healthy stuff we LOVE and our bodies CRAVE: yogurt smoothies of various blends, gelatin (real gelatin, not jello), turmeric, local honey for the boy.


So we plan the menu (Legoboy helps, yes) --- we do the shopping --- then we spend one evening and one full day doing nothing but food prep. Hm. Have to find the time to do this. A necessary thing to save SO much time later. It's worth it; just coming up FAST. In fact, we will likely be in the middle of our food preparations as this post goes live (writing it a week ahead).


This time around, I'll create a chart to show what to take with us on each day; what to take out to thaw and when; etc. Definitely too OCD for my liking. I just want the month to go smoothly, because I know what an emotional wreck this is going to try do have in me.


Oh - and here's a big one I completely forget about when talking to other people but just caught myself DOING without thinking about it:
Get a sharpie. LABEL items for when they should be consumed.

This is a great technique, too, for when you've bought some great item in bulk to save lots of money but you know (or think, or hope they won't!) you and/or family will end up eating/using more of that item than usual - and in the end, you've not really saved any money.

One time, I bought up a case of graham cracker boxes - one of those fantastic sales and I was actually able to stock up. I allotted one box per month (for the two of us) and only bought enough to cover until the expiration date on them. So they have a "use by" date and a self-added "OPEN AFTER" date as well :)

I do the same thing with ranch dressing (one of my very few remaining chemical-ridden items in my kitchen - I know there are better options, I just haven't gone there yet).

All this labeling - it really helped us learn self-control. And we don't use it just as much anymore --- but with the upcoming month, Labeling is Back.




UPDATE (prior to posting -  I just don't feel like editing) - I have to forego the OAMM plan this month because we have so much in our freezer and fridge already that needs to be utilized (when I do OAMM cooking, I need to start with a nearly empty freezer)

Part of our plan -----

Breakfasts:

• oatmeal is always on hand; mix up a few instant oatmeal packs (with properly healthy ingredients of course)
• I have frozen sour-dough pancakes yet I can split into serving bags - warm up and eat with (homemade) jam and (local) maple syrup. YUM! 
• hardboil some eggs for each week or two weeks - to have one in a lunch and one for a breakfast for each of us each week
• sausage-egg-potato mixture (can't remember what it's actually called - warm it up in a skillet with coconut oil - add some himalyan salt - and perfect morning meal!
• hashbrown scramble (it's actually parsnips instead of potatoes) - again sauteed in some coconut oil and delicious! (it's actually only tasty when it's warm - gets cold and bleck)

Lunches: 

• lunch-meat and cheese sandwiches - make them a week or two ahead and freeze
• leftovers from suppers when the sandwiches need a break
• rotate through the fresh veggies in the fridge until those are gone
• clementine every day
• daily bone broth - YUM! 

Snacks (and rotate through lunches): 

• smoothies
• granola bites/balls
• homemade cookies (my style of homemade cookies ;) )
• marshmallows (homemade - all-natural - actual health BENEFITS)
• fresh fruit
• fresh veggies
• handful of nuts (almonds, pistachios)

Suppers - to use what is in our freezer already: 

• soft shell taco "packs" (baggies in the freezer - pull them out - thaw - cook - eat)
• alfredo sauce and pasta (can mix it all together and warm up in skillet)
• homemade mini-pizzas - just can't decide on the style.... 
• turkey soup and dumplings (can sit in crockpot all day; add dumplings when we get home; set the table, get selves oriented and all will be ready to eat)
• turkey/spinach burgers (because we have them)
• something labeled "tie" (probably "thai"-something but Legoboy thought to be clever - I can't find the recipe card for it though. This should be fun ;) ). 
• working on the rest

We do the Eastern Rite fasting on Wednesdays and Fridays, so meals on those days are modified to suit. 

This week, we came home (from a week away to a very cold region) to warmth and dry roads; went to bed; woke up to 3-5 inches of snow covering EVERYthing. Winter weather warning. Right. No grocery shopping today. Good thing the freezer is more full than I thought it was - we won't need that full day cooking. Just a partial day. ;) 

Change of Routine - Teaching Full-Time - Child-care

I don't usually announce when I am taking a subbing position, but this year, and this position, things are different.

• We have a good routine going, despite having a crazy-busy life. It's going to be put on hold. 
• I have a goal of keeping this blog updated at least twice weekly with either historical happenings (as I go through older photos and scrapbook items) or current AMI Montessori elementary homeschooling - what it looks like for those of you either at this age already or getting there. I really want to keep that going. 
• Projects are closing up - slowly - around our home; and I am slowly cycling around to what needed to be done years ago. Using resources wisely. I really want to keep that going to. 
• I think it is fair to give you a heads-up, so if YOU are in the situation I will be in for the next month (working full time and Montessori homeschooling), you'll have some inspiration - and I'm sure a strong dose of "what not to do" as I hope to be humble enough to share our failures as well as our successes. 
• Thus, this upcoming experience may be of some benefit to others. 

Many of you know that I routinely sub for Montessori schools; I also pick up babysitting here and there (I want to have a daycare in my home again - perhaps if/when we move again!); tutoring on short and long term basis; random projects for random people; run two website-based businesses from home; and homeschool my son.
And 5 days a week in the atrium. 

It sounds like more than it really feels like - and maybe I'm not really looking at the full reality. Admittedly, avoiding the picture of "full reality" is probably what keeps me with a smile in my heart when I snuggle with my son at the end of a long day. 

So - our blog will take a bit of a turn this coming month - focusing on what Montessori elementary homeschooling looks like when the child is with different people each day of the week and mom is working OUTside the home, full-time --- in a Montessori school no less. 

First decision - Enrollment, Childcare, AKA: "what-to-do-with-the-child-during-work-hours": 

I thought about enrolling him for the month; I did that when I was long-term sub as an aide in the upper elementary classroom at this school several years back (he was primary at the time) - he attended 3-4 days a week and went with a babysitter in our hometown 1-2 days a week; I paid a pro-rated daily tuition for him and we still did some homeschooling (not much because it is a Catholic Montessori and he was really getting everything he needed) ---- hmmmm - that could be a blog post too. Homeschooling when child attends part-time Montessori..... not many people in that situation, but could provide some creative ideas for others in somewhat related situations. 

Differences:

1. that was primary, now he's in elementary - more long-term projects, group dynamics (be there for a bit then pull him out again - I don't mind the starting in the middle of the year as much as I do the pulling him out mid-year after only a month (could be slightly longer). 
2. that was the start of the year - this is right after winter break - sure the kids are likely be starting on some new things, but there is still a LOT of tie-over from pre-holidays
3. money. I'll be honest. I want to keep as much of it as possible. The principal is being generous in paying me a bit more than the typical daily rate for subs to help with gas (it's a drive for me) and childcare. It's not that I'll be keeping the money really anyway - I have school debt to pay off yet - I've considered setting up an anonymous blog with some details there, count-down style - to help others in serious debt, because I'm not comfortable sharing that stuff associated with my name, etc. I know I've come up with some creative solutions though - I know because friends/family/acquaintances come to me for advice ;) But the debts aren't paid off yet. The local lady who does the sitting doesn't charge much; local homeschool families I could trade some tutoring or Garden of Francis materials for childcare... Gotta love bartering. ;) 
4. he does have speech therapy (in a town the opposite direction from the school) - I do not want to pull him out. That year he was in primary at this school, we just didn't start up speech therapy until afterward (the school couldn't offer him services even though he was enrolled, because we were out-of-state residents - we still are). Now he's in speech, I don't want to pull him out. But it means re-scheduling for another time and finding someone who can take him. 
5. And it was part-time - if I send him to upper elementary, it really needs to be the same hours the other children are there. 
6. Primary is about individual development; elementary is about community development - a weekly atrium is fine because it is long-term; other part-time activities are fine as long as they are consistent; but in/out of a full-day classroom just isn't appropriate for any child or the group dynamics - it's just not consistent. They couldn't make proper plans - the upper elementary children really think long-term. 

So I am looking at childcare options for him. We have a fall-back sitter I know we can call. But my first choice is for him to be with someone with whom I can barter services - such a person is also likely to be in any of a variety of frames of mind that will correlate better with our desire to continue homeschooling through this month. Time with Godfather, time with close family friends, time with homeschool families (they don't have to teach him, just give him a corner with his books or he can teach their kids how to build fancy things with Legos - or their older children can show him a thing or two ;) ).

If a different person/family could take him each day of the week, that would actually be fantastic - he could get the benefits from each family without me thinking we're becoming a burden. And if someone ends up sick or otherwise can't take him, that still leaves 4 other people who might be willing to take him an extra day just that one week.

And this is where I have to be somewhat flexible unless I want to get up at 4 every morning to get him to the right place --- e.g. one family might take him overnight one night a week in order to watch him the next day. They won't take him until later at night, so I'll still be with him the usual hours - we just won't be together overnight. It's one night a week - yes, my mommy-heartstrings are pulled, but it's temporary. We've done the overnight thing before and we have a great relationship - a few overnights won't destroy us.

This next point is less about me being flexible and more about me being both realistic and focused on "life" - I have no problem with families watching my son and taking him places - running typical errands, going to the library, visiting their Grandma/Grandpa - whatever. That's life! He needs to see real life - one of the many reasons we homeschool. I used to care for children in my family daycare that expected that we would never go anywhere or do anything outside of my little property - yet I offered a 24/7 service, so I needed to get groceries at some point; we loved going to the park; the local libraries (we were blessed with 2!) had fantastic children's programs and nice children's sections - of course we would be getting out and about - but it would all be family-oriented. So I am good with my son experiencing that with others - even when it means being in the car all day - he's with people who care for him, keep him safe, and live a real life.

:)

Please pray that it all works out. Things are looking good, but I have a couple of days yet to fill in.

Next dilemmas - a blog post each?  

• Changing our schedule/routine - this really only affects our clock schedule because only speech is affected. This one will be hard. I am SO a night-owl - I don't sleep any more than a typical person, but we typically have a routine shifted a few hours later than others (or maybe we're many hours ahead of everyone else ;) teehee)
• Food-planning - packed lunches; dinners.... breakfast.... snacks.... Yep. I have a solution. But I have to get it into place! 
• where do the Montessori presentations fit in? and the follow-up work? upper elementary is a different cookie, but he does have some lower elementary review he needs (because we're at home and not in a school)
• when do I get to be home???? I'm SO a domestic female ;) I want my home to be a sanctuary - and we all know that being home for limited time allows messes to build up without allowing time for clean-up ---- so how do I keep my home a sanctuary regardless of the time spent there? 
• when do we snuggle???? And typical outside-home activities - how do we adjust these to accommodate caregivers, family time and child-needs?